Been meaning to write something

Welp, it has been quite some time since I have written anything. but I don't want this to become one of those old, lost, non updated blog sites we all see too often out there.  As of this morning, I have lost 70 pounds since August of last year and 38 pounds since the morning of my surgery.  I suppose that isn't too bad for a teensy bit over 2 months.  I STILL cant get it out of my head that 'I had weight loss SURGERY! I should be dropping 10 pounds a WEEK!!!'  Like Melissa said, people like that plateau and don't lose for weeks and I have been really steady.

I got my blood test results back this morning and (I haven't gone over it with Dr Primomo-but will next week) it looks way better than I thought it would.  I need to drink more.  Gotta drink more.  That has always been a problem area for me. 

I am not having too many problems with foods.  Veggies no problem, even the fibrous ones.  I can feel meat however, if I don't chew it to a mash.  So, I eat mostly chicken and fish if I eat meat at all.  After my vomiting episode back on like day 3ish I will not touch rice.

I have had to fight some demons.  They are still here.  The ones that come late at night after everyone is asleep.  They want me to get a bag of chips or something with pasta in it.  A couple of times I gave into those demons and promptly felt like I needed to upchuck after a couple of bites.  So late night eating is really becoming tied to bad things in my head and that's good! 

I have only admitted this to Derek, but I might as well here.  There was a day I embraced the demons and sat down in the living room and ate a huge bowl of sugar sweetened cereal and maybe some garlic bread or maybe a piece or two of pizza, or maybe even a big bowl of spaghetti left over from dinner.  Yeah, that wasn't good.  It was like I was a zombie doing it too.  I KNEW that it was wrong and felt really horrible about it after I had indulged in my drug of choice, but it was like I had no control.  It was like something inside of me screaming for it, and I had to shut it up.  That thing inside is still screaming, but I do have control over it and most of the time, and can think critically about what Im about to put in my mouth.  I just don't buy big bags of chips either.  That helps too!!  ;)

Im eating really clean and not giving in to the demons for the most part.  I have gone down 2-3 sizes in clothes and that's awesome.  Im getting into all the clothes I had gotten too fat for and now they are loose.  I kept all of those clothes, thank goodness.  As I get too small for things, I WILL be tossing the big ones or donating them.  I dont ever want an easy road to come back to this weight.