I'm feeling pretty good.

I was thinking this morning about how I feel.

It's to the point where I think people can notice that I've lost weight and they aren't just being nice when they say I look different.  That feels good.

My old clothes are REALLY looking baggy.  To where I cant really get away with wearing them anymore. That feels good.

I'm able to run more easily playing with my five year old, and my 14 year old for that matter, too.  That feels good.

I thought I was doing pretty well with endurance at my heaviest, and I was, but I'm able to walk for longer distances with less discomfort now.  That feels good.

I look at myself in the mirror and I am much healthier looking.  That feels good.

I cant feel my poor heart beating fast after I walk up the stairs.  That feels good.

All in all, I'm feeling good!  :)

Letting go

Well I have lost 94 pounds!  Hooray!

Something that has been going on that I feel inclined to write about is my obsession with Nirvana here lately.  Kurt Cobain specifically.

I was 18 or so when Nirvana became famous and supposedly 'changed the face of music' way back when.  I was a fan.  I thought Kurt and Krist were cuties,  I had their CDs, I rushed home from work to watch Unplugged, blah blah.  I always seemed to be working  or otherwise busy when they came around in concert, and I really regret not making time.  I never dreamed there potentially wouldn't BE another time.  I felt the betrayal when Kurt killed himself. That was a dark day.  I was in San Antonio at the time.  It's amazing the mark Nirvana left in just the short time they were popular.  Arguably, the Foo Fighters are way more successful, but that's a post for another time, and probably another blog too.  'Laura's adventures in alternative music' perhaps?

I digress. I watched Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck last week and realized that I really didn't know all that much about him.  So I started researching.  I'd be safe in saying with all the reading and movie watching I've done on Mr. Cobain, I am highly knowledgeable about him now.  I have even been through the gamut of emotions about it.  Again.  I have gone from sad (aww he killed himself), to questioning (This suicide stuff doesn't add up-Courtney MUST go down!  Wait...Why am I wasting so much of my time on this?), to anger (how DARE he be so selfish and take himself from his daughter and all the thousands (millions?-I have little faith in humanity) of people that really do care).  Anyways, the guy was a bipolar, creative, clinically depressed, anti-social Pisces.  Is it safe to say I identify a bit with him? You betcha.  He wanted out.  It all became too much.  The Music Industry machine making billions most certainly wasn't going to stop and God knows what it must have been like being married to ole Courtney-I'm sure that wasn't living up to expectations.  Any one of us can go down this path, and that he made it as long as he did untreated (back in '94 I think there was just Prozac and he allegedly had a bad reaction to it-you just needed to suck it up) actually makes him a little bit of a hero. 

What heroin was to him is what food is (or was) to me.

The other day I had a really upsetting thing that happened.  I cried for a few hours.  My pain was raw.  I had trouble dealing with it.  My mind was like a water hose with super high pressure just flitting around.  I couldn't make it stop.  I wanted to numb it.  I wanted food.  No, that's no good.  I wanted pain killers.  Wait, that's scary.  I wanted sleeping pills to just go to sleep.  Wait, that's scary too.  For the first time, I dealt with my pain without medicating myself with food.  Yay me!

I often think of a quote by Janet Fitch, “You've got to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.” I'm letting go.

RIP Kurt.

 

 

Rewards

Well, I have officially lost 85 pounds since August 2014 and 53 since January.  I want to do things to reward myself.  Just another little motivation on top of just feeling better!!  This got me to thinking...  what things would motivate me other than food?  I am compiling a list and I am not sure if I will use my surgery date weight or my total weight, but there will be fun to be had either way.  This list is a work in progress and I will add more as I think of more:

1.  Manicure
2. Weekend getaway with hubby
3.  Go to the movies (that's not a kids movie!)
4.  Flowers
5. New sandals
6. new pretty fun ring or bracelet
7.  Buy some yummy smelling lotion
8. Have my house cleaned by someone other than me
9.  Have some professional pictures made

One of my two favorite flowers:

Scary!

Cravings

I have been low in calcium.  I was taking the wrong calcium like a dum dum, but this has since been resolved.  Interestingly, I have been craving chips and pretzels... I never had before.  Even more interestingly, I found this on my online travels and look at what it says for chips...  I'll try the alternative healthy foods here  :)

The Easter Hernia

This past weekend, I went to the hospital with intense abdominal pain.  Found out it was a hernia!!!  Lovely.  I also found that a few people in my family have them.  When I was talking to my mom, I remembered shortly after I had Emma I got this weird bump around my belly button and I would assume that was it.  Having the bariatric surgery just probably made it worse.  :(  I haven't had any more trouble with it.  I was lifting some boxes and I felt a pull on my tummy then went and sat down.  So far so good..  : \

The Eggs are coming!!

Easter + Small Kids = TONS of boiled and colored eggs...

Tomorrow the ceremonial coloring of the eggs will occur.  This has made me think about what in the world I'm going to do with them, as I have changed my evil eating ways.  I can cut one up with my salad, but that's boring.  I'll eat them just out of the fridge for some extra protein that couldn't hurt either...  but that's boring too!  So I started looking up some recipes and found these off the Eating Well website:

EatingWell Deviled Eggs

24 servings

Ingredients

• 12 large hard-boiled eggs, peeled
• 1/3 cup nonfat cottage cheese
• 1/4 cup low-fat mayonnaise
• 3 tablespoons minced fresh chives or scallion greens
• 1 tablespoon sweet pickle relish (I'll use dill.  Not a fan of sweet pickles)
• 2 teaspoons yellow mustard (I'm going to try Dijon)
• 1/8 teaspoon salt (I'll skip the salt-again, not a fan)
• Paprika for garnish

Preparation

1. Halve eggs lengthwise with a sharp knife. Gently remove the yolks. Place 16 yolk halves in a food processor (discard the remaining 8 yolk halves). Add cottage cheese, mayonnaise, chives (or scallion greens), relish, mustard and salt; process until smooth.
2. Spoon about 2 teaspoons yolk mixture into each egg white half. Sprinkle with paprika, if desired.

Tips & Notes

• Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 1 day.            

Nutrition

Per serving: 34 calories; 2 g fat (1 g sat, 1 g mono); 71 mg cholesterol; 1 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 3 g protein; 0 g fiber; 85 mg sodium; 31 mg potassium.

Cobb Egg Salad

4 servings about 3/4C each

Ingredients

• 3 tablespoons nonfat plain yogurt
• 3 tablespoons low-fat mayonnaise
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 8 hard-boiled eggs
• 1 ripe avocado, cubed
• 2 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
• 1/4 cup crumbled blue cheese

Preparation

1. Combine yogurt, mayonnaise, garlic powder, pepper and salt in a medium bowl.
2. Halve eggs and discard 4 of the yolks (or save for another use). Add whites and the remaining 4 yolks to the bowl and mash to desired consistency. Gently stir in avocado, bacon and blue cheese.

Tips & Notes

• Make Ahead Tip: Cover and refrigerate for up to 2 days.           

Nutrition

Per serving: 257 calories; 18 g fat (5 g sat, 9 g mono); 200 mg cholesterol; 9 g carbohydrates; 0 g added sugars; 15 g protein; 3 g fiber; 515 mg sodium; 447 mg potassium.

This one is a little high in the fat and calories for me, but its just once a year, right?!?!  :)  Would you look at that protein....



There's many more recipes on there but those two interested me.  http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes_menus/recipe_slideshows/hard_boiled_egg_recipes