Prison

Well, as of this morning I have lost 119 pounds!  Yay me!  We are going to the beach today and I'm not fretting about how I'm going to look, or what clothes I'm going to wear, what is going to fit, etc. etc. because things are either too big for me in my closet, or fit just right.  I haven't the largest selection of clothing, but I don't even care!  Haven't a clue what actual size I am right now, it changes weekly it seems and good clothes are expensive!  So I don't want to go and buy a bunch of stuff only to not fit in it in a short time.

That brings me to the subject at hand.  I had spent SO much time worrying about clothes, places, people, situations... on and on when it had to do with my weight.  So much so that it was just better to stay put at home.  It was a prison.  I see pictures of a friend of mine (she had bypass 2 years ago) that went to California last week.  Pictures of her on Venice Beach, wearing her 2 piece swimsuit, doing yoga on the hillside.  She would have NEVER had done that 100 pounds ago.  I know I'm not the only one.

I went with my little family to the circus the other night.  We had the best time.  I kept saying, 'I wouldn't have been here this time last year.'  ...and I wouldn't have.  I would have been able to climb the stairs all the way up the stadium, but I would have been out of breath and sweaty.  Those things didn't happen to me this time around.  The chair would have been really snug to the point of pain. The other night, I was comfy with room to spare.  I would have worried about people looking at me.  I didn't feel like I stood out too much, except for the fact that I'm a 5'10" lady in a sea of 5'5" ladies.  I would have worried about what I was going to wear.  I just threw on some clothes that were clean, I have no issues now with clothes being too tightish (that's my new word), I don't feel like I have to be in a tent of a shirt now.  Gosh, all the time I spent worrying. I'll never have it back

So, we are going on our yearly adventure to the beach today.  I'm not scared to not wear a shirt and shorts OVER my suit.  I'm not wearing a string bikini by any means-ha!-but Im not ashamed anymore.  Sure, I have some more weight to lose.  Sure, my thighs are not the tight Gisele Bündchen thighs that everyone strives for, but I have come a LONG way.  I have been released from a virtual prison.  And you know what?  Everyone in my family is better off for it.  :)

 

My babies :)

 

Pre-Circus selfie!