Disney on Ice and a dose of self esteem

Well, today I did something I would NEVER have done 3 months ago.  I bought tickets to see Disney on Ice with Emma at the Reliant Stadium.  I didn't like to go out of the house, much less go there.  All the people cramped up in those seats, getting in your personal space. The seats, made for much smaller people.  Ouch on your tush!!  I just couldn't take it before all this.  I did buy seats on the outside, in hopes that no one will take the seats by us and we don't have to be all crammy. Big seat, little seat, I need my personal space!!

I know I still have a ways to go, but my self esteem is much better now.  Not 100% by any means, but I don't hide so much in shame.  I still don't enjoy putting on my fake smile and nodding with all the PTA/Dance moms, but its a start.  Gosh, I don't ever think I'll ever like the PTA/Dance moms.  I'll continue to avoid them.  Yeah, I'm that random mommy over on the side either reading or talking on the phone.  Ha!  Served my time with those ladies and it's like high school all over.  Never again. 

I started the Denise Austin workout plan thing.  I have always loved her.  Walking around the block endless times is getting so boring and the treadmill makes me want to scream.  Even more boring. Even with TV.  Go figure.  Anyway, I have been longing to do some aerobics, but all the classes offered here in my City are the silly Zumba ones.  I have nothing against it, it just isn't what I want to do.  So, I did her little aerobic workout thing for today and it was great!  Emma even did it too.  She is so cute!  With all that and all the running around I did today, I got in almost 8k steps!  yayyyy!!!  Im not really supposed to do any strength stuff for a few more months, especially for abs, but I might try to work on my arms and legs toning.  Couldn't hurt.

We are off to the children's museum tomorrow.  I have a love/hate relationship with that place.  Emma loves it, but it is such organized chaos. Especially after 11 or so.  Again, the personal space issue. Kids everywhere. 

Supersize Vs Superskinny

I watch/listen to a LOT of youtube and I found this British show.  It can be really eye opening.  A LOT of people have the food issues I used to have.  Seeing some of the debilitated people where their weight has become their prison makes me deeply sad for them.  I am also fortunate that I have pulled myself from that fate. 

On the flip side, I see where the 'Superskinnies' can have so many health problems from malnutrition...  That's pretty scary.

It renews my resolve to eat well.  :)

A tale of confusion at the doctor's office

So yesterday I went to the doctor and everything went ok.  According to their official scale, I have lost 42 pounds since surgery, 74 since the start of all this.  I learned the average for weight loss is 2-5 pounds a week. 

So after meeting with Dr. Primomo's nurse, after all the times I've seen her, she has only been in a good mood and very friendly once.  She's not outright mean, but she's just really negative.  Things like, 'this letter from your other doctor wont work.  We need a full psychiatric workup.'  Then that same day my Doctor approves it...  Then when she was getting all my info and she kind of freaked when I said I didn't eat 4 meals a day...  I've gotten to where I just don't listen to her.  I nod my head, answer her questions, and smile.  I digress........

Dr. Primomo finally comes in and he was correct in the beginning with my weights and talking about them and such.  Now, I just love Dr. Primomo. He is very kind and down to earth.  (Side note:  He said to throw away my scale, just eat a clean diet with veggies and fish, and quit comparing myself to others.)  He said I was doing very well.  Then he kind of switched and I'm not sure if he just said the wrong number or what but he said he knew I had been living by the scale for most of my life and that hadn't worked for me.  that a loss of 74 pounds in 2 and a half months was amazing...  I looked at him a moment and thought, 'I haven't lost 74 lbs in 2 months...' but he was just a smilin' so I went with it.  I didn't want to correct him.  What harm would it do?  I was a bit confused and did my nod and smile.  He asked if I had more questions and I just wanted to book it out of there.  I know I'm in now way one of his problem cases, but gosh...  Did he have so much on his mind that in the middle of the convo completely forgot my numbers?  ..Or was it the conversation with Emma about Frozen that made him forget?

Next time Derek will come with me to keep this stuff on track  ;)

We went to Cracker Barrel after the appointment. I had a salad and veggie soup.  Cracker Barrel has really gone down the toilet.  The croutons and grilled chicken were horrid, the service was horrid, and the silverware was dirty!

What's better, having high expectations or having low expectations?

I have always been a firm believer in the sayings, 'Hope for the best but prepare for the worst' and 'Don't expect anything and you don't get disappointed.'  However, going through this weight loss journey (and I hate when people call it a journey, but I'm at a loss for words), my stance has changed.  If my expectations are low, how can I push myself when I hit slumps?  I'm still in the honeymoon stage of all this and things are coming easily, but I DO expect to push myself when I hit a plateau and I will strive for my goal!  :)  For the first time since I was 4, I WILL be in the 'normal' weight category of those silly BMI charts.  Not the overweight ones.

Speaking of plateau, I hope I don't hit one next week.  I weigh myself every Sunday morning.  That is the 'official' weigh in for each week.  Last week I lost 6 pounds!  While that's exciting, that's also double of what I have been losing.  So Sunday, I hope to see a loss of at least a pound!  *crosses fingers* 

Going to take Emma to the park in a bit.  I'm going to get my walk for the day in there.  I hope the trails aren't muddy! uggg

Been meaning to write something

Welp, it has been quite some time since I have written anything. but I don't want this to become one of those old, lost, non updated blog sites we all see too often out there.  As of this morning, I have lost 70 pounds since August of last year and 38 pounds since the morning of my surgery.  I suppose that isn't too bad for a teensy bit over 2 months.  I STILL cant get it out of my head that 'I had weight loss SURGERY! I should be dropping 10 pounds a WEEK!!!'  Like Melissa said, people like that plateau and don't lose for weeks and I have been really steady.

I got my blood test results back this morning and (I haven't gone over it with Dr Primomo-but will next week) it looks way better than I thought it would.  I need to drink more.  Gotta drink more.  That has always been a problem area for me. 

I am not having too many problems with foods.  Veggies no problem, even the fibrous ones.  I can feel meat however, if I don't chew it to a mash.  So, I eat mostly chicken and fish if I eat meat at all.  After my vomiting episode back on like day 3ish I will not touch rice.

I have had to fight some demons.  They are still here.  The ones that come late at night after everyone is asleep.  They want me to get a bag of chips or something with pasta in it.  A couple of times I gave into those demons and promptly felt like I needed to upchuck after a couple of bites.  So late night eating is really becoming tied to bad things in my head and that's good! 

I have only admitted this to Derek, but I might as well here.  There was a day I embraced the demons and sat down in the living room and ate a huge bowl of sugar sweetened cereal and maybe some garlic bread or maybe a piece or two of pizza, or maybe even a big bowl of spaghetti left over from dinner.  Yeah, that wasn't good.  It was like I was a zombie doing it too.  I KNEW that it was wrong and felt really horrible about it after I had indulged in my drug of choice, but it was like I had no control.  It was like something inside of me screaming for it, and I had to shut it up.  That thing inside is still screaming, but I do have control over it and most of the time, and can think critically about what Im about to put in my mouth.  I just don't buy big bags of chips either.  That helps too!!  ;)

Im eating really clean and not giving in to the demons for the most part.  I have gone down 2-3 sizes in clothes and that's awesome.  Im getting into all the clothes I had gotten too fat for and now they are loose.  I kept all of those clothes, thank goodness.  As I get too small for things, I WILL be tossing the big ones or donating them.  I dont ever want an easy road to come back to this weight.