Prison

Well, as of this morning I have lost 119 pounds!  Yay me!  We are going to the beach today and I'm not fretting about how I'm going to look, or what clothes I'm going to wear, what is going to fit, etc. etc. because things are either too big for me in my closet, or fit just right.  I haven't the largest selection of clothing, but I don't even care!  Haven't a clue what actual size I am right now, it changes weekly it seems and good clothes are expensive!  So I don't want to go and buy a bunch of stuff only to not fit in it in a short time.

That brings me to the subject at hand.  I had spent SO much time worrying about clothes, places, people, situations... on and on when it had to do with my weight.  So much so that it was just better to stay put at home.  It was a prison.  I see pictures of a friend of mine (she had bypass 2 years ago) that went to California last week.  Pictures of her on Venice Beach, wearing her 2 piece swimsuit, doing yoga on the hillside.  She would have NEVER had done that 100 pounds ago.  I know I'm not the only one.

I went with my little family to the circus the other night.  We had the best time.  I kept saying, 'I wouldn't have been here this time last year.'  ...and I wouldn't have.  I would have been able to climb the stairs all the way up the stadium, but I would have been out of breath and sweaty.  Those things didn't happen to me this time around.  The chair would have been really snug to the point of pain. The other night, I was comfy with room to spare.  I would have worried about people looking at me.  I didn't feel like I stood out too much, except for the fact that I'm a 5'10" lady in a sea of 5'5" ladies.  I would have worried about what I was going to wear.  I just threw on some clothes that were clean, I have no issues now with clothes being too tightish (that's my new word), I don't feel like I have to be in a tent of a shirt now.  Gosh, all the time I spent worrying. I'll never have it back

So, we are going on our yearly adventure to the beach today.  I'm not scared to not wear a shirt and shorts OVER my suit.  I'm not wearing a string bikini by any means-ha!-but Im not ashamed anymore.  Sure, I have some more weight to lose.  Sure, my thighs are not the tight Gisele Bündchen thighs that everyone strives for, but I have come a LONG way.  I have been released from a virtual prison.  And you know what?  Everyone in my family is better off for it.  :)

 

My babies :)

 

Pre-Circus selfie!

Disney on Ice and a dose of self esteem

Well, today I did something I would NEVER have done 3 months ago.  I bought tickets to see Disney on Ice with Emma at the Reliant Stadium.  I didn't like to go out of the house, much less go there.  All the people cramped up in those seats, getting in your personal space. The seats, made for much smaller people.  Ouch on your tush!!  I just couldn't take it before all this.  I did buy seats on the outside, in hopes that no one will take the seats by us and we don't have to be all crammy. Big seat, little seat, I need my personal space!!

I know I still have a ways to go, but my self esteem is much better now.  Not 100% by any means, but I don't hide so much in shame.  I still don't enjoy putting on my fake smile and nodding with all the PTA/Dance moms, but its a start.  Gosh, I don't ever think I'll ever like the PTA/Dance moms.  I'll continue to avoid them.  Yeah, I'm that random mommy over on the side either reading or talking on the phone.  Ha!  Served my time with those ladies and it's like high school all over.  Never again. 

I started the Denise Austin workout plan thing.  I have always loved her.  Walking around the block endless times is getting so boring and the treadmill makes me want to scream.  Even more boring. Even with TV.  Go figure.  Anyway, I have been longing to do some aerobics, but all the classes offered here in my City are the silly Zumba ones.  I have nothing against it, it just isn't what I want to do.  So, I did her little aerobic workout thing for today and it was great!  Emma even did it too.  She is so cute!  With all that and all the running around I did today, I got in almost 8k steps!  yayyyy!!!  Im not really supposed to do any strength stuff for a few more months, especially for abs, but I might try to work on my arms and legs toning.  Couldn't hurt.

We are off to the children's museum tomorrow.  I have a love/hate relationship with that place.  Emma loves it, but it is such organized chaos. Especially after 11 or so.  Again, the personal space issue. Kids everywhere.