Supersize Vs Superskinny

I watch/listen to a LOT of youtube and I found this British show.  It can be really eye opening.  A LOT of people have the food issues I used to have.  Seeing some of the debilitated people where their weight has become their prison makes me deeply sad for them.  I am also fortunate that I have pulled myself from that fate. 

On the flip side, I see where the 'Superskinnies' can have so many health problems from malnutrition...  That's pretty scary.

It renews my resolve to eat well.  :)

A tale of confusion at the doctor's office

So yesterday I went to the doctor and everything went ok.  According to their official scale, I have lost 42 pounds since surgery, 74 since the start of all this.  I learned the average for weight loss is 2-5 pounds a week. 

So after meeting with Dr. Primomo's nurse, after all the times I've seen her, she has only been in a good mood and very friendly once.  She's not outright mean, but she's just really negative.  Things like, 'this letter from your other doctor wont work.  We need a full psychiatric workup.'  Then that same day my Doctor approves it...  Then when she was getting all my info and she kind of freaked when I said I didn't eat 4 meals a day...  I've gotten to where I just don't listen to her.  I nod my head, answer her questions, and smile.  I digress........

Dr. Primomo finally comes in and he was correct in the beginning with my weights and talking about them and such.  Now, I just love Dr. Primomo. He is very kind and down to earth.  (Side note:  He said to throw away my scale, just eat a clean diet with veggies and fish, and quit comparing myself to others.)  He said I was doing very well.  Then he kind of switched and I'm not sure if he just said the wrong number or what but he said he knew I had been living by the scale for most of my life and that hadn't worked for me.  that a loss of 74 pounds in 2 and a half months was amazing...  I looked at him a moment and thought, 'I haven't lost 74 lbs in 2 months...' but he was just a smilin' so I went with it.  I didn't want to correct him.  What harm would it do?  I was a bit confused and did my nod and smile.  He asked if I had more questions and I just wanted to book it out of there.  I know I'm in now way one of his problem cases, but gosh...  Did he have so much on his mind that in the middle of the convo completely forgot my numbers?  ..Or was it the conversation with Emma about Frozen that made him forget?

Next time Derek will come with me to keep this stuff on track  ;)

We went to Cracker Barrel after the appointment. I had a salad and veggie soup.  Cracker Barrel has really gone down the toilet.  The croutons and grilled chicken were horrid, the service was horrid, and the silverware was dirty!

What's better, having high expectations or having low expectations?

I have always been a firm believer in the sayings, 'Hope for the best but prepare for the worst' and 'Don't expect anything and you don't get disappointed.'  However, going through this weight loss journey (and I hate when people call it a journey, but I'm at a loss for words), my stance has changed.  If my expectations are low, how can I push myself when I hit slumps?  I'm still in the honeymoon stage of all this and things are coming easily, but I DO expect to push myself when I hit a plateau and I will strive for my goal!  :)  For the first time since I was 4, I WILL be in the 'normal' weight category of those silly BMI charts.  Not the overweight ones.

Speaking of plateau, I hope I don't hit one next week.  I weigh myself every Sunday morning.  That is the 'official' weigh in for each week.  Last week I lost 6 pounds!  While that's exciting, that's also double of what I have been losing.  So Sunday, I hope to see a loss of at least a pound!  *crosses fingers* 

Going to take Emma to the park in a bit.  I'm going to get my walk for the day in there.  I hope the trails aren't muddy! uggg

Been meaning to write something

Welp, it has been quite some time since I have written anything. but I don't want this to become one of those old, lost, non updated blog sites we all see too often out there.  As of this morning, I have lost 70 pounds since August of last year and 38 pounds since the morning of my surgery.  I suppose that isn't too bad for a teensy bit over 2 months.  I STILL cant get it out of my head that 'I had weight loss SURGERY! I should be dropping 10 pounds a WEEK!!!'  Like Melissa said, people like that plateau and don't lose for weeks and I have been really steady.

I got my blood test results back this morning and (I haven't gone over it with Dr Primomo-but will next week) it looks way better than I thought it would.  I need to drink more.  Gotta drink more.  That has always been a problem area for me. 

I am not having too many problems with foods.  Veggies no problem, even the fibrous ones.  I can feel meat however, if I don't chew it to a mash.  So, I eat mostly chicken and fish if I eat meat at all.  After my vomiting episode back on like day 3ish I will not touch rice.

I have had to fight some demons.  They are still here.  The ones that come late at night after everyone is asleep.  They want me to get a bag of chips or something with pasta in it.  A couple of times I gave into those demons and promptly felt like I needed to upchuck after a couple of bites.  So late night eating is really becoming tied to bad things in my head and that's good! 

I have only admitted this to Derek, but I might as well here.  There was a day I embraced the demons and sat down in the living room and ate a huge bowl of sugar sweetened cereal and maybe some garlic bread or maybe a piece or two of pizza, or maybe even a big bowl of spaghetti left over from dinner.  Yeah, that wasn't good.  It was like I was a zombie doing it too.  I KNEW that it was wrong and felt really horrible about it after I had indulged in my drug of choice, but it was like I had no control.  It was like something inside of me screaming for it, and I had to shut it up.  That thing inside is still screaming, but I do have control over it and most of the time, and can think critically about what Im about to put in my mouth.  I just don't buy big bags of chips either.  That helps too!!  ;)

Im eating really clean and not giving in to the demons for the most part.  I have gone down 2-3 sizes in clothes and that's awesome.  Im getting into all the clothes I had gotten too fat for and now they are loose.  I kept all of those clothes, thank goodness.  As I get too small for things, I WILL be tossing the big ones or donating them.  I dont ever want an easy road to come back to this weight. 

Yesterday was not pretty

Yesterday was bad.  I am on the pureed foods, but apparently I cant handle rice.  I had just a teensy amount with broccoli, chicken, and watered down with vegetable broth.  I had about a half cup and I knew something wasn't right. this was about noon.  by 4 pm, I STILL felt full and nausea was setting in.  By 6 I was full on throwing up.  eeeew.

The stomach pains kept on and throwing up kept on until about 11 pm.  I wished to just be able to go to sleep.  Sleep came, and this morning I was ok. Derek called Dr. Davis, and he said something got stuck in the pouch.  eeeew.

Im back on liquid foods for a couple of days, and to tell the truth, I don't want to go back to pureed now.  No way.  I'll eat soup.  Thanks. 

Learning when to stop.

I'm still doing well.  I had my checkup and they put me on pureed foods, whish is pretty much anything I want to eat as long as it can be put through a blender.  I am actually liking this.  I didn't think I would.  The big problem I am having is when to stop eating.   Its almost like there is a delay in the feeling of being full and actually being full so I need to stop a little before I feel I need to absolutely do so. 

This makes me worry because my doctor said I should be eating 5 meals a day...  there is no way I'm doing that.  Im barely getting in 3 meals of I'd say about 3/4 of a cup at a time.  I am also in no way drinking enough.  I need to work on this too. 

Post op fun!

Well, everything went smoothly and I'm still kickin!

I have been home a couple of days and I have been really sore, but not sore like sharp pain but sore like I did 100000 situps.  My whole body is sore too,  I have no idea why. 

I'm learning (by mistake) that sugar is not my friend.  It causes dizziness and just an uneasy feeling.  Also I need to eat even stuff like grits slow.  That was unpleasant. 

I'm going to take it easy today and watch Game of Thrones.  Tomorrow I will go see my Dr. and start a little bit of exercising.  Maybe walk a couple of blocks to take my Mini-Me to the park.  I'm going to start 3 days of cardio and 3 days of strength when I get the all clear.  There's no way I can do strength right now...  WAY too sore.  Maybe my arms or something so I can feel like I accomplished the task  :) 

Anyway, I'm doing well and thats all for now!